To be or Norton 360 Premium Edition to Be?



What I would have rather been doing this morning.

Have you ever used your computer, gone to bed, and woke up the next morning only to find out that less than 24 hours later your computer is not operating properly? In addition, when that happened, did you forget to take a deep breath and instead proceed to burst into tears of frustration, and cry out “Why is this happening to me?” Well, that is exactly what happened to me this morning and that is how I reacted to said event. I then spent the next four hours trying to resolve the problem. This is not a good use of time for someone who is actively looking to come out of retirement.

I know what you are thinking. “Is the Pink Lady positive that she didn’t do anything differently?” no, not exactly. What I did do was take the necessary course of action when Norton alerted me about the recent program updates that it made to the original version of the software in order to protect its subscribers’ computers from new virus strains. The Norton pop-up box prompted me to install its new 360 Premium Edition and I followed the instructions. “If someone told you to jump off a bridge would you do that?” I know you want to ask me that question. If Norton tells you that your computer is in danger of contracting a virus then you do what Norton says to make sure that your computer doesn’t get one. I followed the instructions, restarted the computer, went to bed, and woke up this morning to find that both Internet Explorer and Google Chrome were failing to launch.

After I freaked out and partially composed myself, I hopped onto my kitchen counter to take the Norton box off of the highest shelf in the cupboard only to find out that I would have to visit the Norton website to access a customer service phone number. Why the second step? Most important, my internet is not working. How does Norton know if I have a smart phone whereby I could access this information?

I called Norton. A short computer prompt and one beep later a customer service representative picked up the phone. I explained the problem. He then proceeded to explain that the software, the new and improved Norton edition had corrupted the files on the computer and that I would have to reinstall the software. Maybe Mr. Customer Service could sense that I was about to lose it because he proceeded to inform me that I could download the new software myself or pay a nominal fee of $39.99 to have someone from the Norton family download the software onto the computer. How could I say no when I installed the software the first time and it did not turn out so well. Therefore, I am literally paying Norton to fix the problem that Norton is responsible for. He then processed the credit card payment, gave me a case number, and transferred me to the department that handles reinstallation. Angelo was the lucky customer service agent who picked up the call.

Angelo has the patience of a saint. If that is not the case, then he must have a high maintenance mother, girlfriend, and or wife because he did not sound the least bit annoyed when I asked him 100 questions about what he was doing and how long it would take, in a voice that sounded like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He never told me to “relax” nor did he raise his voice. He continued to reassure me that everything would be OK. (I think he was referring to the computer and not me personally.) When he realized that my subscription was expiring in 49 days, he said that he had a present for me. “A refund of $39.99, the price of the cost of this call to perform a service to fix a problem that your software caused?” I said sarcastically. Ha-ha, ha, he laughed and answered “No, I am adding 90 days to your account.”  At this point, it sounds better than an Hermes scarf and I want to jump out of the phone and give Angelo a hug.

40 minutes later, Angelo had successfully removed and reinstalled the Norton 360 Premier Edition and Internet Explorer is up and running. Angelo told me that he would call later that day to make sure that the system was operating properly. We even agreed on a time, somewhere between 4:40 PM and 5:00 PM. I said, “OK”, in the same tone of voice as if I met someone I was interested in but knew that they may not be that into to me. We bid adieu.

I had to get out of my apartment and clear my head. I went to my ballet bar class and walked by the Bergdorf Goodman windows to see the innovative installations that Linda Fargo and her staff were showing this week. I think they heard about my mini-morning breakdown because the doctor’s office was open.



Bergdorf Goodman's Sigmund Freud Inspired Windows



This morning’s events were just memories best forgotten. I arrived home to find one voice message. It was from Angelo. He was trying to reach me. Two minutes later, Angelo called my cell phone. He confirmed that it was me via the six-digit secret passcode I was given in the morning. He performed a series of successful tests on the computer and ended the call by giving me his direct line in case I had any problems in the future. (This is probably because his associates told him that he would be kicked out of the carpool if he ever transferred me or a subscriber like me to them.) We then said our goodbyes for the last time as he transferred me to his supervisor so I could confirm that Angelo did his job properly. I gave Angelo a glowing review and made sure to mention that he was incredibly patient throughout my histrionics. Just when I thought that I would never hear from Angelo again, I received an email at 6:10 PM with a message telling me that I was a pleasure to work with and that the case was filed as resolved. If Angelo was a potential boyfriend, he was definitely earning points, but sadly, this was not the case.

The morals of this story are the following; protect your computer. If you detect a problem with the protection, make sure to call for back up. If you do call call Norton, ask for Angelo, and tell him the Pink Lady sent you.

Image of a phobia-themed Bergdorf Goodman
window. Do you think that there is a fear that describes
the fear of answering a phone call
from a women on the verge of a nervous breakdown?