My First Week Out of Retirement or Learning How to Use the Office Microwave

I apologize for not posting consistently. Last Monday marked the official date that I came out of retirement and re-entered the working world. Although, my hours are more than manageable—9 AM - 5 PM or 9:30 AM - 5:30 PM with a mandatory lunch hour that must be taken anytime between 12 PM and 2 PM—it appears as if I got a bit too comfortable in my “relaxed state” because I was completely wiped out by the end of the day. We will see how I feel after week 2.

But-On-Koncept top-loading microwave.

Starting a new job—full-time or temporary—can be overwhelming. Remember how you felt on your first day of school?  Anxiety sets in before you even get there and begins with the question of “What should I wear?” (The company that I am working for has more of a relaxed-chic dress code and employees can wear jeans. I wore a pair of white AG for Calypso chords and a navy sleeveless blouse with a white-piped ruffle running down the front.)  Hopefully, you were proactive and mapped out your route a few days before and already know how long it will take you to get there. You walk into an office with a completely different security system (card, key code, or finger print) and into a room of new people and personalities. Then you must acquaint yourself with and learn a completely new set of systems. When you are settled into your office or cubicle the most important question to ask is, “Where are the bathrooms?” so you can map out your route and estimate the time it will take you to get there in case of an emergency.

Electrolux Dish 5 microwave

The Pink Lady worries about all of the above as well all but there is one additional item that I did not mention and failing to figure this one out on your first day will surely make you the topic of conversation by the water cooler for days, maybe even weeks to come. I will give you two hints. One, this skill does not relate to your job. Two, it involves knowing how to operate a certain piece of equipment and it is does not fall under the AV or IT categories. If it’s not AV or IT then what could it be?

The office microwave.

But-On-Koncept top-loading microwave in orange.

Maybe it’s just me but why is it that you can never simply press Reheat and Start for the microwave to begin the job it was programmed to do. It’s not rocket science. I own a microwave and use it every day. (It was my go-to cooking/reheating appliance before I learned how to use my gas oven and overcame my fear of it exploding in my face. I am not joking. When Madame Pink Lady helped me move into my first apartment in NYC she put the flint igniter in the broiler oven. She turned on the oven and 10 minutes later, there was smoke and flames.) I think that all office kitchens should be fitted with standard issued microwaves.

I refuse to get a smaller size cup of coffee and prefer the java from my local spot so I am one of those people that reheats the same cup of coffee several times during the day. It’s  my first day of work, noonish, and it’s time for reheat #1. I enter the office kitchen. I make my approach. I open the microwave door. I place my cup inside. I locate the menu that will tell me what number I need to press to reheat everything under the sun. I locate the number that I will need to press to reheat a BEVERAGE. I press 4. I press START. Nothing. I press START again. Nothing.  I go through this exercise a few times with no success.

IWave Cube Personal Microwave. I
could keep this unit by my desk and avoid
this situation in the future.

Out of my peripheral vision, I can see someone coming up from behind. They are toting a semi-defrosted Lean Cuisine chicken something or other. Not only are they starving and unhappy that their lunch consists of  Chicken a La but they are beginning to realize that they may not be eating their lunch any time in the near future because this idiot, the Pink Lady, is figuring out how to use the microwave during their lunch hour.
 
Suddenly, I am having déjà vu back to the first day I ever commuted. It’s the day after Labor Day and I am trying to figure out how to purchase a New Jersey Transit Pass. Unable to find the number associated with my destination or figure out which pass—one, three, seven, 10, one-month, or one-month unlimited—to purchase, I am holding up a line of people who are cursing me under their breath.
 

10 is the microwave.

Ugh! The pressure. I can feel the Lean Cuisiner’s eyes staring into my back like daggers. I start again. I press 4. I stop long enough to see 0.5 appear and an image of something that resembles a cup beside it. I press 4 again and the 0.5 changes into a 1 and the image of the cup appears to be a bit bigger. I press START. The light goes on and we have lift off. I turn around and I am now face to face with my new frenemy. “It’s my first day.” I said. I didn’t get a response but instead was given a look that said, “OK but this better not happen again.”
 
Don’t get me started on the coffee maker.